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| angusd
Posts: 4,307 Status: Lord Karma: +152 [+1] [-1]   |
Subject: Short story: HUNGER'S DOWNFALL... | |||||
| ... or The Wrong Note to End a Meal On Look, I know it’s disgusting. Some might say abhorrent. Yet it would not be an Exaggeration to announce that I simply Relish any opportunity to consume a Simple plate of Beans and Cheese, despite the Fire and Pain such a cursed creamy Treasure inflicts on my haemorrhoids. For yes, truth be told, I love the rapturous applause that follows such a meal; the cacophony of sounds expelled from my red and raw Cherry! Of course the results sometimes are quite disastrous. It is to my Eternal shame that I recall “The Incident”. His name was Gee Willikers – a pseudonym I presume amongst his simple log-hut loving peers, probably given him by an easily overawed audience to efforts of gaseous explosions from his own humble southern Pouch. Little did I suspect him when he invited me to compare our skills, to present my prodigious talent for crashing reverberations to a meeting of similarly interested amateur percussionists ferreting out an incestuous living on the fringes of the deep forest. It was too easy to believe that he would share his admirers and let them wonder at the thunder of my superior posterior! Unfortunately, the rat, the snake, the fiend had other ambitions in mind for the meat of my marvellous musicianship. I had prescribed my dish of choice to him - Beans and Cheese please – and when the hot and steamy plate was presented I tucked in like a maestro desperate for oil to grease his Rusty instrument. Indeed, I was too hasty: I noted not the tinge of other unsuitable tastes in the course; nor the sometimes shocked, sometimes amused, but always wide-eyed cross-eyed watching faces that Dotted the Deck all Round my appetite. Such simple folk: easy to fascinate, and tragically, totally unforgettable. It was only when with a last flick of my Wrist that I finished the feast - as I sat back to ruminate, and to propagate a symphony of sound to delight the assembled ensemble - that Mr Willikers revealed his imbecilic duplicity in the creation of my meal. The rat, the snake, the damned southern yokel!!! Thus, he did assault my palate with his damned impoverished carniverous preferences! My face turned Green as the Contrary contents of the meal did Duel between themselves in my sorry belly. In an acidic Immersion; in angry biles of my stomach the Conflicted natures of delightful dreams of Beans and Cheese and awful feral creatures captured of the forest: these awful ingredients did conduct war on my innards. Would my intestines prove insufferable? Would the bubbling Pond of acid within accept the challenge of Beans and Cheese mixed with rodent, reptile and Racoon? Would my faithful digestive Friend allow me to expel the nightmare from my derriere? To fart, or not to fart: yes, yes, YES! No. I’m sad to say that on that day the dinner went the other way… And the final word was not a wonderful thunderclap, but a miserable cry that is now my namesake: “RRRRAAAAAAALLLLPPPHHH!” |
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