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The_CDC
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 Subject: Pending slime-pacalypse vs troutmaggeddon
And lo in the days of troutmaggedon when the onslaught of Rainbow Trout seemed endless, and the Commercial Trout Fisherman's Associations was torn between heroes and rising oligarchs, came a false hero that sent the trout fleeing and brought a respite. Is it a real respite though, or a second threat merely masking the massing trout ready to bring on the final phase of Troutmaggeddon?

First hailed as a hero, then feared as a second threat, Sludgey slime and infectious slime threaten to over run our waters. This is the pending Slime-pacalypse we must deal with. For far from banishing the trout from our planet, the slime merely stands between us and our battle, a feint by the troutmaster general.

And so it is that a call resounds throughout dark warriors to heroes of every shape and size and skill! Join together and help us deal with these twin threats, lest we fall to the pending slimepocalypse, or be buried alive in troutmaggedon. The time to act is now!
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Whew - that was a heck of a load of hooey to shovel out, but it ought to keep the religious nutters off my back while I get the true message out.

I'm a representative of the CDC (Center for Disease Control) and I'd like to join together with the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) in calling your attention to a serious environmental hazard in DW1. It seems the waters of DW have had a recent algae bloom that is rapidly evolving on two fronts. Currently H1T1 is infecting only humans and rainbow trout. Careful study of the genetic structure has indicated that it may further mutate and could jeapordize not merely the economy, but also our lives and the ecosystem.

How long will it be before the bodies in the ven become incubators for this infectious slime? The simple answer is that we don't know, and that terrifies us. Please join together with the Joint EPA-CDC task force responsible for removing this scourge and preventing further loss of life and livelihood. As much time as you are willing to commit will be deeply appreciated.

Best Regards,
Quiet Quince
Frightened representative of the CDC
Joint EPA-CDC task force for Slime-pacalypse Aversion.

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Time Posted: July 1 2013 09:13 am EDT
Last updated: July 1 2013 10:49 am EDT


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