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| Orodreth Tiwele
Posts: 513 Status: Earl Karma: +32 [+1] [-1]   |
Subject: Here's a trick | |||||
| Examine yourself. Where is the self-hatred coming from? You're alive and sentient, and if you see faults in your life, that implies that you must have some sense of humility. Life, consciousness, and humility... is this not miraculous enough? Often, when you are feeling like you hate yourself, it is because you are disillusioned or distanced from your own values and goals. Obviously, this is something you won't be able to cure instantly. There's just too much emotional weight to face head-on. So what I do, whenever I feel like this, is take a "left-brain" approach. First I run a couple miles, or I work out (you can exercise any muscle on your own, just fine, for free, no need for any gyms). This releases a lot of frustration/anger/anxiety. It also gets my blood (and lymph vessels) moving, takes my mind off life issues, and can be meditative. Once you do that, you can start to think. If you're out of breath at this point, all the better, maybe you'll even feel your own heartbeat. In the book "Ender's Game" by Orson Scott Card, Ender starts counting powers of 2 (2, 4, 8, 16...) when he thinks he's about to cry, and that is how he controls his emotions. This idea also works for reasoning. Now that you're in an an observant and task-oriented state of mind, you can start to think about what is bothering you. Think about who you are as a person; remember that there is nothing inherently evil about you. (People who tell you this are trying to control you, and nothing more. They might scorn you, but they fear what you may be. Most of them are just jealous humans. Don't hate them pity them.) Map out, on paper, in your favorite art form, or just in your head, what you hold dear and what you aspire to. Have a date with yourself, so to speak. Make everything enjoyable. This may be hard, but if you call it your life, you can find intrinsic value in anything you like. Sometimes work for a reward is rewarding in itself. For example, tell yourself you're an ace student, and that you're super-productive as you tunnel through homework. Start doing little things for yourself. Walk by a part of town that's less familiar. If there's a club (at school or otherwise) that you've been wanting to join, do it. Organize your room, your backpack, your locker, or any place in your life that bewilders you. Finally, don't hate people. If they hate you, that's their problem. Take a break from being around certain people if they give you negative thoughts. If they are hurtful to you, walk up to them, get in their face and tell them you forgive them. Do this sincerely, and if they have a conscience it will drive them mad. If not, just realize that you're better off not being around them at all. Sorry for the long post, I hope it's worth it.  |
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