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Subject: a peek into The Ultimate Tournament
for those of you who haven't been watching, you have to at least read this one battle

Subject: First Lance
The air smells clean and crisp as the sun reaches its zenith in the sky. It is almost time. Standing in his green and white canvas tent he clears and focuses his mind as the squire finishes placing the last pieces of his heavy plate on and prepares to bolt the shield to his left side. The unmoving shield holds his new crest, granted to him by the land's noble family. A green and black background with a rendition of his fallen friend Damian the wolf in the center. Once the shield is in place he picks up his helm, it is heavier than he expected; damn these fools and their pretence for protection and safety at the loss of mobility, but if this is what the lady wants of him, then it shall be done. Placing the helmet on his head, he tells the squire to once again check his lances for cracks and impurities. While the squire busies himself with the critical inspection he focuses on putting on his gauntlets and applying copious amounts of chalk for grip. Just as the squire returns, a tournament attendant enters the tent to tell him that his first opponent is a man by the name of The "Pu" and that they are ready for the match to begin.

Entering the field, a sturdy war horse is brought before him. The beast seems skittish as it has never participated in a joust. Approaching the horse from the front he places his hand on its muscular neck and looks into its eyes and begins to whisper what sounds like gibberish; to the shock of those close enough to hear, the horse calmed down immediately and stood ready and waiting. He smiles to himself as he backs away from the horse and bends down to pluck some grass from the turf before releasing it into the air to gauge the swiftness of the breeze. Nodding to himself, he turns to the squires and tells them he is ready to mount the great veteran war horse. With surprisingly little help he is quickly mounted. Wheeling the horse around he places himself to the right of the tilt barrier, facing his opponent called Pu. Dropping his visor, he takes the first lance from the squire and awaits the signal to begin the first of the three rounds.

The horn sounds and he spurs the horse on, rising up in the stirrups to drive the horse on faster and faster. A quarter of the ways down the barrier through the middle of the grassy field he drops his lance to a forty-five degree angle and holds it steady. The crowd laughs as he forgoes the cradle designed to catch the hilt of the fourteen foot heavy oaken lance, but he has his reasons. Bearing down on his opponent, he shifts his weight to the right of the horse, covering the left side of his body with his shield. At the last second, he twists his body and drives the lance with his whole body in a circular motion until it is at a fifteen degree angle; trying to sweep over his opponents lance for a better shot in a downward motion towards his opponents helm and using the wind from the right to try and aid in building momentum for the blow. With the motion complete and his blow thrown, he pitches himself backwards to absorb his opponents blow while pinching the horses quarter with his legs to try and avoid being dehorsed with all his might should the blow be a strong one.

And now its his opponent's turn
Subject: *gulp* . . here goes
The 'Pu' staggers out the tavern, all night session has left him dazed and blind with the sun at the zenith, he wishes it was cloudy . . . .

He manages to climb on his faithful donkey 'barnaby', but got on the wrong way round, oops, falls off and tries again. Barnaby waddles over to the jousting field and the 'Pu' gets off and crawls into his 2 man tent that he drunkenly pitched the night before.
He quickly flicks through his recently purchased copy of 'The complete guide to jousting for dummies' but as his bladder is full he only gets to chapter 2 before leaving the tent to 'relieve' himself behind an adjacent tree.

The 'Pu' starts to get a bit concerned that his ninja robes may not be ideal for jousting so stuffs two fluffy pillows inside the tunic and ties a tent rope around his chest to keep them secure. Suddenly he hears a horn which goes through his head like thunder, he stumbles out and gets on Barnaby and wanders over to the start line . . . . . a shot of whisky from the hip flask, a quick kick to barnaby, who farts, and they are off down the track at an embarrassingly slow speed . . . .

. . . . the 'Pu' suddenly spies the Scabs thundering from the other direction and he looks serious, Pu looks for the (attack) anywhere but cannot see it, this may be bad news for the 'Pu'

As they draw ever closer 'Pu' suddenly realises he did not get to chapter 3 of the dummies guide, entitled 'Essential equipment and their uses' . . . . damn, looks like a shield and a long stick thingy are pretty important for this !!

'Pu' braces for impact and prays that Scabs will buy him a beer or two . . . if the 'Pu' survives.

Subject: The Results
Arianna watches as the two men ride onto the field. The first, Scabernac, looks confident. In fact, he even refuses to use a cradle for his lance. This intrigues the princess, but when she sees the next opponent shock overwhelms her. Is he truly going to ride... like that? Worried for the man's safety, she stands but the joust has already begun.

She holds her breath as the two men advance toward each other. It looks as though Scabernac's lance will hit The "Pu" in the face. Arianna does not want to look, but cannot look away.

However, moments before the lance is to strike The "Pu" a gust of wind from the east forces Scabernac's lance off course. Instead, he lands a hard strike on his opponent's right shoulder. The "Pu" loses his balance and falls from his donkey.

The announcer yells over the crowd, "Three points have been awarded to Scabernac. He has won this match. And for dehorsing his opponent, he will also receive his... donkey."

I hope you all follow the tournament and see what else happens

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Time Posted: September 8 2009 04:34 pm EDT
Last updated: September 27 2009 01:27 am EDT


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