You can also play Dark Warriors on
Back to post list
Back a step


GAMEKING123
Posts: 2,044
Status: Lord

Karma: -214
[+1] [-1]

Offline

 Subject: Read these funny jokes die laughing ;)
Number 1:

A man received an invitation, to a party
which said “Black Tie Only”!!

When he went to the party he was surprised to
find the other invitees wearing trousers and shirts
as well !!!!

Number 2:

Once three men decided to go on a picnic.

When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.

So, the youngest man said he would go home and get the soda if the others promised not to eat the sandwiches until he got back.



An hour, a couple of hours, then all day went by.

Both men were now very hungry.

Finally one of the men said: “Oh, come on, he is not going to be back. Let’s eat the sandwiches.”

Suddenly, the youngest man popped up from behind a rock and said: “If you do, I wont go.”

Number 3:

Fred and George are two friends and Fred has a very good job.

George is jobless and one day asks Fred to help him get some good Job.

Fred says, “OK, next time we will apply together.” and they do.

On interview day, Fred says, “First I will go inside and answer all questions except the last one, and after coming out, I will give you all the answers and questions. Then you go in and answer everything and You will get the Job.”



So, Fred goes in.

EMPLOYER: When did we get independence? INDIA

FRED: Efforts started in 1857, but we got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER: Good. Who is our Prime Minister?

FRED: It changes daily and these days its Manmohan Singh

EMPLOYER: OK. What’s India’s population?

FRED: (He was not to reply the last one so he says) Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell
you, Sir.

Now he comes out and tells the questions and answers to George

George(True genius that he is) remembers all answers and forgets the questions. He goes in now.

EMPLOYER: When were you born?

GEORGE: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER: What? Who is your father?



GEORGE: It changes daily and these days its Manmohan Singh

EMPLOYER (Now quite upset): Are you mad Mr. George?

GEORGE: Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you Sir.

Number 4:

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn’t sound good, I’ll make a note.

Customer: No, wait a minute, I hadn’t inserted it yet, It’s still on my desk. Sorry......

Number 5:

At a software conference, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. “If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had made the flight control software how many of you would leave from the plane immediately?”
Among the forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.
With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even keep rolling past the runway, let alone take off.

Number 6:

Best excuses if you get caught sleeping in your computer desk by the Boss:

I was working smarter, not harder.

I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement.

This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!

I’m actually doing a “Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan”(SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you (boss) made me attend.

This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!


I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?

The coffee machine is broke….

Ah, the this is the unique and unpredictable habits of the workaholic!

I wasn’t sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lenses without using my hands.

My work partnerwent psycho and took out a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.

And finally….I thought you (boss) were gone for the day.......!!!!!!

Number 7:

Letter to Mr.Bill Gates:

Dear Mr Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears. We face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Mr.Michael and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.

I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

Number 8:

Bill Gates is at the beach when he discovers a bottle in the surf.

He pulls out the cork and a Genie appears. The Genie says, “I have been trapped for 100 years. As a reward you can make a wish.”

Gates thinks about it as he carries the bottle back to his beach cottage. Once there, he goes to a bookshelf, pulls out an atlas and turns to a map of the Middle East. This area has seen conflict and suffering for hundreds of years. What I wish for is peace in the Middle East he says to the Genie.

The Genie replies, “I don’t know I can do a lot, but this? Don’t you have another wish?”

Bill Gates thinks and finally says, OK. The whole world hates Microsoft because we have conquered the software market and because Windows still crashes. I wish you would make everybody love us.

The Genie says, "Let me see that map again"

Number 9:

Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document but the computer won’t boot properly.”

Tech Support : “What does it say?”

Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”

Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”

Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”

Number 10:

Michael walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks “This guy doesn’t know the difference,” so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.

Michael takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender, “I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!”

Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch. Michael takes a sip…same reaction. But the bartender still doesn’t believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch.

Again, same reaction from Michael. Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours a glass of 12-year-old scotch. Michael takes a sip and is most satisfied.

All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkenly says, “Hey mishter, tashte this!”

Michael obliges…he promptly spits it out. “It tastes like urine,” Michael shoots back at the drunk.

The drunk replies: “It ish. Now tell me how old am I ?”

Number 11:

A very shy guy goes into a tavern and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally walks over to her and asks tentatively, “Umm, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

She responds by yelling at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed, and so he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.

She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean two hundred dollars?”

Number 12:

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. “What, no drink for me?” replies the bartender. The drunk replies: “Oh, no. You get violent when you drink.”

Number 13:

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.

Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?”

“My mother died in August,” he said, “and left me $25,000.”

“Gee, that’s tough,” he replied.

“Then in September,” the friend continued, “My father died, leaving me $90,000.”

“Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.”

“And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000.”

“Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.”

“Then this month,” continued, the friend, “absolutely nothing!”

Number 14:

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here.”

The astonished Chinese man replied “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese”. “Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”

Shocked, Spielberg replies “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”
The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”

Number 15:

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

She then says “I want you to see this.” She puts a worm in the water and it swims around.

She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, “What do you have to say about this experiment?”

He responds by saying: “If I drink whiskey, I won’t get worms!”

Number 16:

There was a guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, a big trouble-making man steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me.


When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing.

I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar.

And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

Number 17:

Hey you!! Yeah you, reading this post!! Get a drink of water before you choke yourself to death. Then continue reading this post

Number 18:

A conversation between a wife and a husband who happens to be a software engineer.

Husband: (Returning late from work) “Good Evening Dear, I’m now logged in.”

Wife: Have you brought the grocery?

Husband: Bad command or file name.

Wife: But I told you in the morning

Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort?

Wife: What about my new TV?

Husband: Variable not found…

Wife: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.

Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied…

Wife: Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?

Husband: Too many parameters…

Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.

Husband: Data type mismatch.

Wife: You are useless.

Husband: It’s by Default.

Wife: What about your Salary?

Husband: File in use… Try after some time.

Wife: What is my value in the family.

Husband: Unknown Virus.

Number 19:

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.

“I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up.”

Nine hands went up.

“Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the tenth man.

“Feeling too much lazy”, came the reply.

Number 20:

The population of this country is 237 million.

104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school,
which leave 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
This leaves 19 million to do the work.

4 million are in the Armed Forces,
which leaves 15 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.

There are 188,000 in hospitals,
so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons.

That leaves Just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you’re just sitting there reading jokes all day! Shame on you!!

Number 21:

A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said, it was his mission.

He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, “Now that’s addition.”

In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, “Now that’s subtraction.”

Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.

And both together smiled and said, “That’s multiplication.”

Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.

He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, “That’s long division!” lol

Number 22:

Math Teacher : If a=b and b=c then a=c, now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.

Student : I love you sir and you love your daughter which means I love your daughter.

Number 23:

You've already wasted enough time reading these jokes. Go and play this darn game, will ya? You can read the rest another time lol haha

No Signature
Time Posted: June 6 2010 03:14 pm EDT
Last updated: June 10 2010 08:13 pm EDT


Replies:

Add reply:
Subject:
Body: